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Forgiving has many aspects. Today we address forgiving those who have hurt us, which can be a controversial topic in some circles. Some people think that forgiving means wiping the slate clean, as though the offense never happened. The Latin phrase, "Te absolvo," seems to take on that meaning. And it creates a huge hurdle for many to jump.
People who have been physically or sexually abused, when they begin healing, do not want to pretend any longer that the offense did not occur. They often want the offender to admit the wrong and pay for it. Even if the offender does admit and pay, forgiving does not necessarily occur.
We humans seem to like combining in ourselves the roles of judge, jury and executioner. We like to punish repeatedly as we attempt to get even. This mindset builds a strong, negative bond between offender and offended--a bond that remains until the offended lets go. You probably have been around someone who has not forgiven; you and everyone else can feel the tension.
Years ago on a New Year's Eve radio talk show, someone said his working definiton of forgiving was, "giving up my right to get even." When we let go of our "right" to get even, we set ourselves free from the power of the offense. Thus forgiving another is a gift we give ourselves.
Reality is that it takes a lot longer to work through the process of letting go than it does to read or write this article. Forgiving those who offend us is a process, a journey. When we arrive, we are in a new place--a good place.
Some other thoughts about forgiving. A Muslim from Afghanistan told me there is no forgiveness in Islam. If a person misses fasting a day during Ramadan, even if he is ill, he must make it up.
Some Christian missionaries have told of running into a roadblock in when translating the Bible because some languages do not have a word for "forgive." After asking a lot of questions and combining concepts, they developed a phrase to get the meaning across.
The United States of America has a Judeo-Christian heritage, which includes forgiveness. Perhaps learning to forgive those who have offended us will help heal our souls. Then we can better address the wrongs of our society and build a stronger base for tomorrow.
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