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In the first post about forgiving we looked at what forgiving others means and how it impacts the forgiver. Today let's think about receiving forgiveness.
Have you ever met anyone who said something to the effect, "I've done too many bad things to be forgiven"? Maybe you have communicated that message to someone.
Let's think again about the person who was abused. That person has worked through the pain and reached the place of letting go and not wanting to get even any more. The abuse survivor says to the abuser, "I forgive you." The abuser rejects the forgiveness with, "I'm not good enough to be forgiven."
On the surface it might look good--for a brief time. Then the one who offers forgiveness starts asking questions like, "I am the one who was violated and now I am not getting even with you, why can't you accept that?" What message is forgiveness rejector really sending?
Let's look at some possiblities. Some people might be thinking, "If I accept your forgiveness, I must admit to myself that what I did was wrong; and I don't believe I was wrong." This is sounding like the idea that "I have to be right all the time."
Other forgiveness rejectors might be looking at what they did from the "judge, jury and executioner" position--judging themselves. Strange as it sounds, they are trying to get even with themselves. They keep telling themselves how bad they are to inflict punishment on themselves. They are not recognizing that no amount punishment is enough to make themselves "good."
There are probably many more possible explanations. However, they all come down to one common element: pride. When we have to be right all the time or when we think we have to "make ourselves good enough," we are stuck in the quagmire of pride. In order to recieve forgiveness, we must overcome our pride, admit we are wrong, and accept what the other person offers.
Not accepting forgiveness can take a terrible toll on our physical, emotional, spiritual, relational health. Our bodies will wear out one day. Accepting forgiveness could well be a tool to help them last a little longer.
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