The other day I found a blog on healthy families.  It took me to an unspoken message in the old show “Leave It to Beaver.” Wally and the Beaver made both good and bad choices. The other kids always seemed to be leading the Cleaver kids astray.  Why?

The script needed it. Right. But don’t we still see some kids and families that tend to make wiser decisions?  Modern research shows that children and youth who have dinner with the family at least 5 times per week are less likely to use cigarettes, alcohol and pot. What is the connection between family dinners and wise behavioral choices? What could make family dinners so valuable?

The kid who knows he is expected home for dinner is accountable. He can’t do whatever he pleases. In discussing how the day went at dinner, kids learn to listen to others and express thoughts and feelings. When someone really listens to what a child says, she feels that she belongs.  Being accountable, listening, being heard and belonging are key ingredients in feeling good about self. The child or teen who feels good about himself does not have much need of drugs or alcohol.

As kids get older, they tend to say they do not want to be at family dinners. Wise parents do not cave in to this pressure. Taking an unpopular stand is part of parenting.  Keeping the goal in mind helps parents stay the course.

Family dinners also present “teachable moments.” We cannot take advantage of teachable moments unless we are actively creating them. This, too, requires long-term thinking.

Do you want your children to avoid smoking, drinking and using illegal drugs? The “simple” solution is to have family dinners at least 5 times a week. Sounding “simple” does not equate with being simple to implement. Making a commitment to family dinners is the only way parents will make them happen. And there is a cost in making commitment. The tough question is, “Are my children worth the effort?”