Healthy life includes healthy relationships. This became evident when I watched Not Without My Daughter (© 1991) with Sally Field.                            

The movie is based upon the true story of an American woman “Betty” who married an Iranian man in the United States. After several years Betty’s husband convinced Betty to visit his family in Iran for two weeks. Once in Iran, he announced that he would not return to the States, ever.

I heard that Islam did not like this movie because it painted their religion in a bad light. Domestic violence does not discriminate. It is present in every culture and at every socioeconomic level of society.

What is domestic violence? Hitting and beating? Domestic violence, like plants and children, grows.  When we do not pay attention, we do not see the growth. Secrecy and darkness encourage growth.

Some women do become perpetrators of domestic violence. However, it is much more common among men.

Indicators of domestic violence include such controlling behaviors as

• isolating from family and friends
• manipulating by keeping secrets and refusing to communicate openly
• blaming
• publicly degrading or shaming
• denying input in decision-making
• monitoring telephone conversations and spending of money
• making unreasonable demands
• monitoring every move, accusing with no evidence

These behaviors make a woman an emotional prisoner when she believes that her man loves her. There are good times in the cycle.

Eventually the perpetrator begins using physical force, possibly a slap across the face. It escalates. Regardless what he does, he never feels it is enough. He is trying to satisfy an inner “hunger,” much like an addiction. The addiction controls him. Denial is strong.

Women who remain in this type of situation are also in denial. Here is a factor everyone needs to know: If a man beats his wife, he will eventually beat his children.

We can learn from Betty. Get to know the other family and culture. Choose healthy relationships. Choose life.