If you have been in an abusive relationship, you may think you do not know how to answer that title question. Lets ask some questions to get you thinking. Do you love your children, your parents, your siblings? How do you treat them? How do you treat the person who abuses you?

You love your children. Lets look at overall patterns, not single events. Most mothers are in the habit of being patient and kind with their children. They seek ways to be constructive. They give freely and share what they have; they are not possessive. They do not try to impress their children; nor do they try to make themselves be the most important person in the family. Loving mothers forgive, they don't keep track of how many times children do things wrong. They keep on loving, even when children do not love back. They keep trusting, until older children show they are not trustworthy. Even then mothers hope for the day when they can trust again. Loving mothers are not rude. And they put their touchy feelings aside when it comes to their children.

From this we see that "love" is an action word. A mother's love produces positive results in her child's life.

Now look at your relationship with the man in your life. Are both of you in the general habit of

If these actions are missing, chances are good you are in an abusive relationship. Negative behaviors create a downward spiral. They only get worse.

There is hope. We learn behaviors. So we can learn to replace negative behaviors with positive ones. However, that learning does NOT happen in an abusive situation.

In order to change, we need help. If we could change on our own, we would do it. We also need distance from the abuser. We need to be in a safe environment.

Help is available. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233).

Or find your community mental health center in the phone book. They have trained counselors to help in abuse and domestic violence situations. You are not the only one in your community who is being abused. You do not need to remain alone. Choose healthy relationships. Choose life.

By the way, that list of loving behaviors comes from a Jewish Rabbi who lived about 2000 years ago.

Tags: Healthy Dating, Healthy Families, Healthy Marriage, Healthy Parenting, Healthy Relationships, ...